Between this and that...

I am spurred to write today based on Kusyi's comment on the post below.

Unlike some people, my conscience never leave me alone. It's always there, watching me, telling me what to do and what not to do. Until today. If I just had a juicy conversation with an old buddy online, I will feel miserable after that. It's like I'm schizoprenic or something. If I went to McDonald's because I'm dying for their Strawberry Milk Shake, I had to keep it a secret from my husband...but I'm not good at keeping secrets of the bad conscience. Macam confession pulak. I just had to clean it off my chest. I think somehow, talking about it to someone or even thinking about it to myself, is a way I process the allowed and the forbidden.

Talking about consciences...My husband set up his own little business recently. His first project was a miracle, it was an Islamic Website and it was not even for profit. He thought it was a good sign and kick off. So we took the job. Soon after this, he won a bid for another project, this time it has something to do with a Free-Thinking Philosopher. Our consciences tugged us hard on this one. The Money is goooood. It would have helped us cover many expenses over in Egypt, where the business is actually running. We debated over it, slept on it, talked about it to an Ustaz who thought that it's harmless (if it's like Yoga), looked through the websites available several times for any mention of God..there was none. So, they did not preach about another God, which is goood..but... NO GOD, is not good either. In the end, after much contemplation, we turned it down.

Allah really watches over us that closely. In every action we do, he gives us choices to make, and alhamdulillah, we hoped we made the right one. Not long after, projects flowed in from companies in India and Canada, on long-term basis. Shukur Alhamdulillah. It was a miracle and Allah's reward, i think, for our patience.

A dear friend who have been wanting to put on the hejab for some time but couldn't because of the nature of her work in the Entertainment Industry. She shelved the thought for awhile, 2 years or more. That 2 years, her rezki was not stable and I always find her in emotional depression. Finally not long ago, alhamdulillah, she has decided to choose Allah's path, and subhanallah, her rezki just flow in steadily. She is now happy and contented with her new job.

Sometimes, we do take things for granted. The mobile phone the company pays for, the computer provided, the time spent yakking on the phone at our office or labs. I used to take it for granted, I'd say- Eleh, Dorang tu kedekut, gaji tak naik pun!, or mostly, I wouldn't bat an eyelid about it. Not until I met someone who refused to use the company's mobile even if it was an emergency and he is stranded outside. He does not chat or use the company's internet access irresponsibly. If he spent just 5 minutes more for lunch that he should, he would stay back at work for 5 or even more minutes to justify the income that he will receive at the end of every month. That is not only good conscience, to me, that is also good work ethics. Less distractions, means more work can be done - Productivity. Less miscellaneous cost to the company also.

This also reminded me of an Islamic Khalifah, Saiyyidina Omar Ibn Abdul Aziz. He uses a candle to read his books for work purposes, but if he needs to read another book for his own benefit or when he receives guests, he would blow out that candle, and use another one of his own instead.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, our Jihad is never ending. It doesn't only stop at the 'tudung' or a 'good job', or a 'good husband'...we fight for ourselves, and it's battle everyday to perfection. The day the job is done, is the day we finish serving our 'life sentence'.

How many good choices have I made today? Yesterday? And what about tomorow. Let's see.