Another transit...

It is the time of the year again. I'm in another transit of life, waiting for my next destination. Wondering if the plane will ever come. We bought some new furnitures, but didn't unpack them, just in case we might need to repack them again. The rest of the things, just remained as they are, I don't even want to think about them. Packing them up would be too hasty, leaving them as it is just reminds me that I'm still stuck in this painful transit. Basically, its a nerve-wrecking situation.

Change is probably the only constant I've known my whole life. Having moved 18 times (yes, I was counting recently!) from the age of 15-24. Those were days I rather not remember, and could not compare to my current status now. Alhamdulillah, Allah is great. There is an irony in it though, those years of moving from one place to another seemed now like a sort of 'preparation' for this new life with habibi and kids. But then, it was much easier to pack and go in a matter of hours being alone. Now, making every decision is tough as we have to consider the children, where we will be and when - and if we will be disturbing their educational progress. Living with our families or even near them, is a luxury we cannot afford.

I admire Habibi's strength, his dedication to work, to his family and the man of responsibility that he is. Such a man is hard to come by, and alhamdulillah, I am always grateful to the One above for letting me have such a man. It's hard to say if he deserves me, because, unlike me, he hardly complains. His down-to-earth upbringings made him even stronger than me in many ways. He doesn't whine or regret or loses hope easily. He gives a lot and expects nothing, or little. When I complain of backache after getting up in the morning, he actually feels bad and responsible for not buying me a more comfortable mattress. He sees buying clothes for me and his kids, an obligation, but buying for himself an unncessary luxury. These are some example of moments when I could go 'Awww..' I hardly talk about him, or describe him in such details, I know. Not because I don't appreciate him, but because I'm afraid to be envied. Because I know far better. Nothing is permanent in this world, All that I have belongs to Allah. And I am always thankful for everything.

Sometimes, when I actually did something wrong or have a squabble with Habibi that last for weeks, a dream will be sent to me. I know not to talk about bad dreams and will spit 3 times on the left when I am awaken from one following the Sunnah Nabi Muhammad (saw). However, to simplify, the dream will always wake me up with a feeling of repentance and I would be seeking Habibi's forgiveness immediately. Immediately the weeks of squabbles seemed trivial, than to compare with the blessings that I have been endowed with.

Currently, we are undergoing some changes in our lives. We are in another transit, a window of opportunity opens up during the times we least expect it. If its not from Allah, then who can it be from? We have prayed for the best, and this is it, no questions about it. If we wanted something else, then Allah would not have helped us. So, if our intentions are true and our conscience clear, we will be finally taking that plane to the other destination - the one that He has decided for us, the one that we have asked for -what's Best for us. But at this stage, we are just, as the saying goes, keeping our fingers twisted (not crossed!).

You will hear soon where that destination will be, for at this point, I have revealed to only a few, being careful not to be dissapointed again because of my excitement and expectations. If it doesn't happen, then perhaps, staying put, is The Best for us.

Whatever it maybe, we leave it to Allah. Tawakallillah inshaallah.