Losing my addictions

Everyone has a favourite television show, favourite new song, favourite fast food or favourite brand of products, guess what? I don't have any of those...anymore.

In case I'll be labelled a fanatic or extremist, I'd better explain how that came to happen. When I agreed to marriage, I was somewhat still in that over-the-moon-can'
t-believe-it stage and didn't really ponder into what life will be like AFTER marriage. I know that I will move to Germany, and I requested only a highspeed broadband internet connection as compensation for the location. After we got new furnitures, finished the house stuffs and settled down...I faced and experience a culture shock which was about to last for a year. The honeymoon phase will soon be over, and we'll be living a day to day practical life of a man and wife.

As a stay at home wife, I had ample of free time. Too much that it was bothering me. When I'm bored I couldn't just switch on the TV to watch 'Days of our Lives' (my ex-favourite soap drama, because even if i find it, I wouldn't understand the dubbing!), I couldn't just grab a HELLO magazine and stuff my face with celebrity gossips, I couldn't go out on a trip to the next shopping town on my own, I couldn't eat anything else but my own food or turkish sandwich - which I'm fed up with already. The gynaecologist at first thought that I was a refugee because of the stress that I was suffering from which disturbed my hormones pretty badly. In a nutshell, this extreme isolation and confinement has put a lot of pressure on my mental and health conditions.

There was simply nothing to associate with. Not even the brand printed on my bread toaster! At tensed times I ask my husband 'Who brought me here?', with an intention to shift the blame on him (LOL), but he would just calmly say, 'It was Allah'. Indeed it was Allah who again proved that he is the best planners of all. We didn't want children in the beginning for at least 2 years to get to know each other better. But that strategy had negative nerves bursting out of our veins much too often that it was destructive for our state of minds.

I found the answer eventually. This was meant to be. This was Allah's plan for my recuperation or rehabilitation. The whole environment was not fitting to my new lifestyle that I had chosen for myself. There was no way else, all roads to wasting time are closed for me. It was like cold turkey in an even colder land with an even colder people.

But I eventually lost all of my addictions, yes, internet included especially now with Salma. It is not bad at all. I begin to have a very high sensitive sense to right and wrong, and I must admit, it scares some people off! Now, I cannot bear to watch television that depicts woman in a bad way (even if they wanted it!) as it would turn me off and I would then, turn the TV off. One would not have realised it if it was accepted as part of a daily vision and routine. I switched off radio completely and only listen to music of my choice - and hence I had the responsibility to make good choices - so nasheed became my favourite thing to listen to. When I manage to get to an English bookstore, again, my sense of choices is heightened, I didn't pick up anymore fiction, but geared towards practical self-learning and educational books which are useful. I couldn't be bothered anymore if the label on my new rice cooker is unheard of, as long as its not too pricey and it works fine.

All these, I'm sure, is just a preparation for something else to come. I don't know what it is. It sure helps me now as a mother, but I wonder what's coming next. There was going to be more to come. And that one, was terribly unexpected. But that have to wait till next time. When I have the chance to use the computer again.

Salam to all.