In Laws Part II

Observations of Life is a funny thing. You think that you're a grown up mature adult one day then suddenly, a new experience may overwhelm you and bring you back to feeling curious and childish all over again.

I survived the wedding celebrations with make-up fit for a Halloween Party. What could I say to my cosmetician who thinks that 'Dracula' make-up is in? (Yes, he used that expression, Ladies & Gentleman, now go and ROFL). After what seems like an eternity in that small crammy salon, I am finally dressed for the big celebration. My SIL and MIL helped me put on the very heavy wedding dress which came straight from the early 1900s. There was a big hula hoop ring underneath its skirt, which gives my legs plenty of room to play football, and may even house a couple of house cats if I would. The top half of the dress is as tight as my panty hose and I was having trouble breathing! The arms of the dress was originally see-though laces, but now layered with a white satin which was not-so carefully attached to the shoulders, thus revealing a little skin of my left shoulder. To complete my misery, many diamond pins poked through my head in an effort to secure the frilly hejab and on-loan Tiara. You'd think I would have exaggerated for your reading pleasure, but I didn't. Our first dance was to a supposedly romantic song 'My All' by Mariah Carey, about a love-lost. Enough said.

There were too many new experiences at once, that I actually blocked myself from finding out what they were, afterall it was the 'Honeymoon' period, and I do miss my habibi whom I have not seen for the last 3 months to really care about anything else.
It's too late to take back his offer of me visiting his family first 3 months back. I honestly thought it didn't matter. I still do now, but nothing could have prepared me for the weather change.

Well, MIL wasted no time to introduce me to the ways of the Egyptian wives. She passed me a potato and a knife and I just looked at habibi for help. Don't they use peelers for these things? I didn't even try to offer to wash my own clothes, because I've never seen that barrel-type-looking washing machine in my entire life. And guess where the trash from the kitchen goes? Out of the window, to a construction site opposite. It was barely one week and I had to ask my husband what's for breakfast the next day, and then I found out the entire nation feeds on bread and foul medames for breakfast. It can be served in 1000 different ways, eaten with falafel, olives, cheese, etc. When my husband told his family that I don't eat Foul everyday, they just switched my menu to Omelette, every single morning. When it's time to pack for our honeymoon, I just knew my Omelette eating days are over.

Today, the construction site oppposite is a tall apartment building. Something about the housing constructions I noticed that they are not even finished or painted. What hapen is that, a family may own a piece of land and the column for their house, which they can expand, Upwards. Of course, the more money you have, the more houses you build topwise, and usually, these are reserved for sons and their children. Sort of a heritage. Meanwhile, over at ours, we have 3 levels completed. First floor is rented out to a guy who makes arabesque frames. On the second floor, the family resides and its where guests come to visit. Third floor is officially ours, as my habibi is the first son so that apartment was built for him, however, we're not there all the time so the sister and brother sometimes occupy the place. That also explains why our bedroom is in bright pink, a colour I would have never considered for bedroom walls. Guess who lives on top of us? Goats, chickens, ducks and God knows what else. They are fed with our food res (vegetarian of course) and eventually, come back to us fresh from the oven. They may have to live a storey higher when its time to built another apartment for BIL.

Amongst the un-understables, is the way they talk and greet each other. Usually, our phone calls will be, How are you? What are you doing? And in malay households it will include, Dah Makan? Here in Egypt, its Salamualaykum, followed by 'How are you's' in three different ways, this does not include You having to ask the exact same question back almost immediately, but you must be quick enough. And then 'How is so-and-so with you?'. (so-and-so is habibi and most recently, binti)

Then of course, a year later the little binti came. MIL eagerly makes arrangements to come here, for the first time in her life and took the flight to help me after delivery. She came 1 week early so it was mostly spent bringing her around Bavaria. It was all a-ok, until she started to take over the 'mother' job. Of course she means well and just overexcited for the arrival of her first grandchild, but tell that to a woman in post-natal blues. Suddenly I realise, all of those sentiments about Egypt came out to me at once and poor habibi suffered the worst during those weeks. Suddenly all of my discomfort a year ago makes sense, because I wouldn't let a blue stone be pinned on my daughter's dress so to evade the 'envy of evil eyes'. Worst of all, I cannot speak to my daughter in English because she is Egyptian! Why and How on earth do I start explaining to her, since our conversations have always been limited to basic hand gestures and very few words. How do one makes sense of all this in between finding out what being a mother is, since she has none in the first place?

I thank god that time passes, as it should be. And alhamdulillah, MIL is not one to hold grudges. But in many of the instances that our opinions contradict, she seems to find a way out as easily as 'She's not us, so she don't know', therefore I shall give her my help. But how do I tell her, I'm not all clueless. I know a thing or two abt child raising, I read plenty of books, and I'm always for the natural way of upbringing. I refuse to give my baby herbs and tea just because she was crying. There are many reasons for that, and 'hasad' (envy) is NOT the only possible reason. Where do I begin? I knew I had to say something when she was against me asking my husband to bring the dish to the kitchen because this is how it will end up. It will end up with me, having to become her. To sacrifice endlessly and selflessly, to the point that you have trained the men..well, to become lazy, to say the least. I know for sure Prophet Muhammad s.a.w helped his wives. So did his sahabahs. But well, things are different at another's household. To be fair, she did a great job with her son, so I may be wrong at times too.

But to end my story, I just found out a couple of Yahoo groups for Women married to egyptian men and I think my prayers have been answered. Alhamdulillah, now I know many woman who are like me, in the same boat and how they've dealt with these issues. These sisters provides me with wonderful insights and mashaallah, through a couple of emails, many of my doubts and fears have been answered already. Now, I pray for patience, understanding and wisdom from Allah and inshaallah, if I am destined to be buried there one day, I hope to get to know it from better perspectives.

Ok, now off i go..
Walk like an Egyptian