Profession : ___Fill in the blanks___

This is one of those days that I found myself dumb strucked and over excited and cannot express myself well. Just as Kak Teh has writer's blog, I think this is my reason for my blog. To take my time to write what I think and feel. It's great being able to breathe and talk at the same time!

Well, just another membebel session I guess, bear with me. Things are going on great between Lilah and Mohammad, so far. Now they're probably leaving Paris and heading back to Germany or whereever else that he wants to bring her to. I must add though, that he is such a gallant gentleman and a good muslim, hence, my fears and suspicion of him decreases, and my approval of him increases by time. Whoever said that internet matchmaking was a lousy idea?

I remembered that night Mohammad was here, Lilah and I noticed how well Walid got on with Mohammad, and even offered a ride back to his Hotel. I whispered to Lilah, "Wei, bapak pengantin dah approve lah!!".. Lilah could not take it anymore, and once again, transported to the times when we were 13 year olds. She burst out laughing and fell on the floor, almost rolling, right in front of Mohammad! Unladylike you must say, but that's us. But that's just on the outside. Inside, we still cry while watching hindustan, we drool over Hithrik Roshan's eyes, we both read every copy of Sweet Dreams that we have and later graduated to exchange Danielle Steele's novels, we love to cook for our loved ones, amongst other things. We're soappy ok.

But Lilah and I, we have a similar experience of a bitter background. That's why we're close from Day 1 we met. We could feel each other's pain and be there for each other. We secretly envy our other friends who's family life is more straighforward and normal. Yet, we're probably the happiest face you can catch every day in a gloomy classroom at 7am. Going to school is a normal task for everyone, but for us, its an escape from the reality that awaits us at home.

We have an ambition though. It's not just academic. But our ambition we know, comes from the deepest part of our hearts and wish, that we should correct what was wrong in our past. We both have worked hard in our lives. Lilah has diligently worked her way to finish her Diploma in Business which took 5 years to complete on part-time basis, whilst supporting her mother and sometimes brother, paying for installements for the house she bought with her own sweat money, taking care of 8 (or more!) cats, and paying also for her then lame-ex bf on dates. She has worked in various industries; Tourism, Marketing, Freight, and whatever in between.

I moved to K.L to find my niche, worked hard in the Theatre industry, moved on to Television productions, then later on, travel and produce TV programs for national Television, which includes Culture programs, Drama, Telemovies, Entertainment etc. There was no break in between, except when a project is done and waiting for the other to start. Life means finding food to survive, on our own, because there is simply no one else to depend on. Life, was also lonely.

In our quiet desperation, we wish for the same thing. A husband who is a friend, a partner, a soulmate and most importantly, a reliable and responsible breadwinner. Oh, thank god we're not the lanky model types, or else, maybe our life directions will play a different role altogether. We're just an average looking girls with an average life, with very normal dreams and desires.

Nowadays, I detest filling up forms when it comes to PROFESSION. I write : Housewife, but it also reads boring, uninteresting, dependent with no dreams whatsoever. But only I, and many other full time housewives, know how significant our full-time job is. Compared to my colourful past and resumes, this job is the only one that gives me full satisfaction, full control and management of my Time, appreciation by the Big Boss, and most importantly, a sense of innerpeace.

The innersense no longer need to fight on the front line for her monthly wages, she gets it dignifiedly. The innersense no longer need to doll up for strangers, she only dresses for the person she loves. The innersense is now free from expectations of the capitalistic corporate world, and she puts in all that effort overseeing a manageable size but yet more important organisation which can only run efficiently by her and only her, therefore, eliminating the chances of being fired or retrenched. Can I fill all these up on that form? No one wants to know, really.

However, the sad fact is, not many husband (bosses) knows and realise this, just as many wives detest it. Mohammad have the same in his mind. "If both goes to work, then when they come home, they'll both be too tired to fight..." I heard that before coming from someone close. I secretly disagree but i don't know how to phrase my feelings, because I am not yet a wife, I was just fantasizing about the job then.

Now, Lilah is in the same predicament. She knows how important is it to be a housewife, for the sake of marriage (Trust us : We both came from a very broken family), and for the sake of our children..but she just needs to convince Mohammad in a manner that would make him understand.

I came across another friend's wife, who right after giving birth, was looking for a job again. Her reason, "I can't let my University studies go wasted". I want to ask her, what about her son? Oh, they're getting a maid. Yes, she can spell. And oh, they're getting a bigger house once the maid comes in, and oh, these are all expenses! In the end, after careful calculations, a couple of wise european friends admitted that when their wives work, they don't save much either, if you consider that she has to pay for her car or transport to work, food at work, food & electricity used by the maids or babysitters, etc etc.

Here are some philosophy of Life I just made up..

Live simply. Have excess? Sadaqah
Have less. Less stress. No mess

I'll think of more. Meanwhile. Have a great day!