City Not for Children

It has been slightly more than 2 months. And I'm still here. I should be grateful that I'm here instead of being stuck in Germany waiting. There was also the flood that came unexpectedly that destroyed that part of Germany I was living in. People are still talking about how the flood costed them their automobiles, houses, gardens, buildings, etc. It feels surreal since I lived there for almost five years and have not experienced a calamity of that magnitude. However, I must be thankful that I'm in Singapore at this time with my children and we are all safe in His hands, alhamdulillah.

Singapore is not a bed of roses either. The family is great, just being around familiarity is great. I feel most productive around here and immediately created something for me to do. However, being a parent here is another challenge altogether. As I became a mother in Germany, I have gotten used to many convenience there without realising. Coming back here and having to deal with a hasty and self'centred community is without a doubt, the most stressful thing that I have to go through. Just 2 years back, my eldest daughter was facing flat in a children's swimming pool because of a friend's negligience for the longest 10 seconds or so of my life, and no one lifted a finger to help her out even if the nearest person in the pool is less than an armstretch away. And just to prove that this is not just a rare case or misjudegement on my part, history decided to repeat itself with my son this time when he ran away from me and jumped inside the SAME children's pool. And again, the nearest man in the pool just glanced over my boy's body without any intention to help. I was running as fast as I could to save my dear son on the slippery surface of the mosaic tiles, but I can never forget the face that could give a double take at me and at my boy without even trying to help. Exasperated and dissapointed, I had to tell that man off regrettably after pulling my son's wriggling body off the water, "What if that was your son?". He gave me a point blank look.

There were many other instances. Pushing prams in this crowded city is another test fit for the a new series to be titled "Survivor Series for Moms". I realised in this city, if you are a mother with whatever number of kids, empathy is the last thing you should expect from its inhabitants. While pushing my heavy european kinderwagon in the mall, I realise people pick up speed on purpose when they are about to cross my way. Deliberately, I waited to see who would stop to give me way in a very narrow passage. Throngs of secondary school children jumped infront of me and did not bother to stop. Finally someone stopped. I looked up to the couple with amusement. Of course they stopped, they are not locals. Of course I thanked them and said "Only non-Singaporeansw will give way", and they smiled as if they understood my predicament.

Within a few weeks here, I purchased another smaller, city-friendly buggy hoping that it'll help me through the crowd and public transportations easily. Usually when I'm alone with the children, I will take the cab. But there were times when I am just with one kid, so I attempted a bus ride with Ibni in his buggy. As soon as I got up the bus, the driver snapped at me telling me to fold up the buggy. Well, I didn't because the bus moved immediately after I paid for my fare so it was not convenient to be lifting my one year old and folding buggies. I found a place near the window that I could conveniently park the buggy and stood next to it. It wasn't in the way of the main passage so I thought that would be allright until my stop, which is less than 5. The bus driver was not happy. He made it very clear. He made a call on his walkie talkie and complained about "a woman with her baby" in Mandarin. Unfortunately for him, I can understand fairly bit of Mandarin and the glances and stares from the other passengers in the bus was too obvious to ignore. I looked up at the ads in the bus for any signs or warnings about bringing buggies up in the bus, but saw none. I am convinced I wasn't breaking any law or deserved any fine(s). I was just irritating him because I did not fold up my buggy. I bet he was thinking of my safety and my child's when he stupidly gave that order. I called up the Singapore Bus Services customer service and lodged a complain. How can the Singapore goverment expects families to have more kids when travelling with them is such a nightmare? Being humiliated by a bus driver infront of passengers is not my idea of a smooth bus ride.

Oh it didn't end yet. The last place on earth that I would expect a horrible treatment to mothers and children would have to stop at the mosque. Again I brought my son to the mosque to attend a talk by an ulama from United States at the Masjid Aleem Sidiqque in Telok Kurau Lorong K. In an email that I got, it states that the talk will start at 7.30pm. However, this was not so. The talk started very late, it was at least 9.00pm when it started. The audio was very bad on the women's side and we almost couldn't hear anything, it didn't help that the ulama is pretty soft spoken. Ibni wasn't even crying but merely making some baby talks, like he was doing since we were there. But suddenly when the talk starts, almost everyone synchronized a loud "SSSSHHHHHHH" at him and at any children making noises. They also turned around in a very deliberate way to make mothers even more uncomfortable everytime a child is heard. Instead of asking the mosque management to turn up the volume (it was at 2, and the maximum was like 40..? ) of the lcd tv hanging over the room, they asked instead for the impossible - for children to hush up. One lady did not have any patience for children it seems, as I was nervously unbuttoning trying to quiet ibni down (who seems to be in a talkative mood that evening) by feeding him, she simply told me to bring him outside. At that point, I must have lost all my patience with inconsiderate and unsympathetic children haters and said "Can you be a little bit patient? He is a child. And even the Prophet Muhammad (saw) was kind and understanding to children!". With that remark, she moved elsewhere and I never saw her again for the next few hours. I am at the mosque for the first time since I here but the experience was bitter and needless to say, I may have to stay away from the mosque if I'm with my kids. So mothers and children could never visit mosques? Why does being a mother feels like a punishment?

What have become of our society? Why the lack of tolerance? Where is the compassion? It saddens me to think that total strangers were more willing to help a hejabi with her children, lifting up the prams inside the train or carrying it for me when I meet a flight of staircase in a foreign land where I always get understanding glances instead of accusitive ones. In fact, I never felt more accepted in Germany than I when I was without them (the children). With my children around me, I connect easily with other parents, break into a conversation and am happy when strangers play with my children or when they stop to admire them for their skin colour. My kids are also used to getting freebies and sweets at restaurants and shops when I pay them a visit. Binti will always get a free banana when I make my purchases at the vegetable vendor near our house in Forchheim. We have had our neighbours trusting us with their kids in our houses eventhough we just met. They are always time to exchange greetings everytime you meet and part.

It's strange when you have to say, you're a stranger in your own land, eh?