Weaning and Whining

The pregnancy (now can talk about it lah) is going ok, except that I'm still breastfeeding Salma when I found out that I was already 3 months pregnant. Since my period is not regular because of breastfeeding, I never suspected that I could be pregnant, although we've talked about it, and decided that yeap, we're ready to, for the sake of Salma who badly needs a friend. Her friendly disposition and eagerness to hand-shake all toddler strangers never fail to amuse me. She would just come up to them and offer a hand shake, sometimes, she gets one back, and sometimes, she would just get very shy stares, even from the boys. Occasionally she would say hi, in her own gibberish language which did not sound particularly familiar in arabic or english or malay.

I can talk on and on about my dear little darling Salma whom I've grown to love more than myself. Just pretend to cry, and she will come hugging and giving you a kiss on your cheek. Her father gets a kiss from the other side of the glass door on his way out to the office. She is enthusiastic about songs and dances when she hears familiar tunes. At such a young age, she has shown much interest in I.T gadgets from our p.c's, laptops (she knows how to shut it down), our mobiles (she sends empty SMSs to my friends all over the world), digital camera, video camera... Most of them are lucky to still be in working condition today. Habibi of course has established some kind of relationship with Salma. The times with her are mainly to relax, play and joke around. I took pains teaching Salma various animals sounds and actions so she will respond accordingly when she hears words including Elephants, Snakes, Crocodiles, Chicken, Dogs, etc etc, and then Habibi came home from a walk with her one day to show his masterpiece too. ' 'How does Mama sleep?' (in arabic) and then Salma started SNORING!!! Recently, he taught her how to cough out plehgm.


My baby at Charlie's Checkpoint in Berlin, with a piece of Berlin Wall in the background.

Since she was born, I let her sleep by my side. There was not a night that she was away from me. We both got very used to it. By 6months, while most mothers have already disciplined their babies sleeping time and assigned a separate bedroom, i couldn't bear to. Plus, at that time, we were constantly travelling, so it was really hard to set a sleeping pattern. She was too close to me. We would sleep with our bodies in contact, sometimes she would find me with a part of her feet, or her arm, and then she would rest quietly. But things have to change...

When I found out I'm pregnant, I was hoping that Salma would stop breastfeeding naturally when she finds the milk depleting or perhaps even change in taste, but no, she hung on to me even more closely and tightly. Far worst is that, she can even say and points to what she wants now, making it impossible to pretend not to understand.

Habibi came to the rescue, volunteering to sleep with Salma in a separate room until she weans off from breastfeeding at night.It is really hard for me to watch him wake up at night and try to soothe her down. He would carry her, bring her to the living room to listen to Al-Quran, feed her with bananas (!!) and whatever he can find, until she falls back to sleep again. She does this a few times a night, and so far, only once, she slept through. Habibi would have to wake up early for his sahur and then his day starts again. Although I'm enjoying a little bit of freedon from a part of my body which she binti used to cling on, I also missed them tremendously. I installed the baby-walkie-talkie to just hear them at night till i fall asleep. But however, I must have gotten a really lousy one because sometimes I hear someone elses' baby wailing! It must be so difficult for Habibi, but he insists on doing it until he succeeds, furthermore, he already felt some difference in their relationship since he invested those nights for binti. Nowadays, Salma would voluntarily kiss him when he prays, or when he is eating, or just ask to sit on his lap. That kind of affection, of course, is something money cannot buy.

Now I joke to Habibi that I finally gotten my childhood dream. A big bed and a big room all to myself. I decided the room needs reworking, since I'll be occupying alone. So I moved the bed, the bookshelf, the tv and removed every junk I can find hiding under the bed. But of course, something has to happen. On the bed, there are 2 single mattresses supported with a long piece of wood in the middle. Under that piece of wood, is another much smaller vertical one to support the wood from the floor. Well, while moving the bed, I didn't put that smaller one back because that would need me carrying some weights, which I'm careful not to right now. So... well, I must have forgotten that I have put on tonnes since marriage and happily dived on the bed with binti after renovation and was greeted with an immediate 'CRAAAAACCKKKK!'. I broke the bed. :( Sent an email to apologize to Habibi and when he comes home, he knows I must have either burnt something, or broke something. By the 2nd guess, he got it right and quickly thought 'You did it on purpose!'. Well, NO! I grinned widely. He has a reason for claiming so, he knows I hated the bed since I moved in here. You see, he had to choose the bed and the basic kitchen cabinets before I came (based on his basic needs : Sleeping and Eating), so he settled on a very huge bed, and after being here for awhile, I also knew he paid way to much for it, not knowing 'market prices' for such things. He is also responsible for the greenish-grey carpet that covered our entire apartment, and sanitary white kitchen appliances. When I saw them for the first time, I knew I had to take over the designing of our first humble abode.

Oh, where was I? Oh yes, Binti...I tried calling Mak for some advise on what to do with this clingy daughter of mine, and she gives me a tip which is too avant-garde for my modest imagination. 'Kau genggam garam, pusing kat kepala dia 7 kali baca salawat, lepas tu buang kat tingkap'...Alamak, what's the basis of this theory? No need to check my religious kitabs, sure takde! No need to tell Habibi, how to explain!? Hmm, ok next...

So here I am, quite exhausted from the day's activities and the short day in Ramadhan. Without Binti at night, I did get back some of that energy I have lost over the past 1 year. However, this is not something I can celebrate about because my partner falls asleep before I can say goodnite. I guess exchanging our roles have done us some good. He finally understands why I always fall asleep next to Binti when I put her to sleep. He finally understands why I'm in need for some sleep in the day, after coming home exhausted one day during lunch hour and pleaded that I wake him up after he gets an hour of deep slumber. He finally understands why the house can't be managed by 1 person who has a full-time job caring for a child. I know role-playing was a good idea!

Ahhhh.... So now I get better rest, better sleep...what more can a pregnant woman ask for? ;) (Although technically, I'm sleeping in our room on the mattress, which is on the floor now until the bed gets repaired...and knowing habibi, this will take some time..)