Only ALLAH knows

Wow, I can't believe I'm back. Actually, I'm not sure what this post will mean, but heck, anyways, I needed to pen down somethings. I can only report that I think I'm cured from the addiction of blogging. Honestly though, I stopped myself from reading blogs, for fear that I'll crave for follow-ups. I do check my emails a thrillion times a day, eventhough there's nothing in it. Eventually, habibi took pity on me and sent me an email from work. Hehe. Call me crazy, but cold turkey is not an easy thing.

During my absence, I've been in contact with some bloggers, made friends with NEW ones, like Ms Mumble in Singapore and Ailin from Ailborg, Denmark. I also received some nice emails and msgs from people I never knew were following my blog. Yeah, that thing at the bottom of my blog could actually detect who's been here and stuff, but I never really checked. I told habibi about them and he was also surprised that I've stopped blogging, and actually encouraged me to continue. Not that he's ever been here, unless especially invited (which means, I sit next to him and make him read).

But all that aside, we're going through big-time stress about what's going to happen to us. Habibi is in the midst of changing his career - for Us. He loves his job and wants to go all the way up in his department, but that would mean, too long a time here, and that would't fit with his plans of having Salma attend school in an Arabic country. We considered many lands on Allah's earth, weighing every pros and cons. For both of us, this decision will have a great impact on our lives - but that is too trivial to compare with Salma's future. Moving means, Habibi will have to change his job or department, so that it will land him in a Muslim country by the time Salma goes to school. Moving means, me having to adapt to yet another foreign environment, struggling with yet another foreign language and culture. Moving means... we don't know what it'll mean...for habibi, his interests in research and sciences would be best served if we live in Europe or States. For me.... I only need an english speaking environment, so that I could stop being a hermit that I am today and be involved actively in the outside 'real' world and make real friends with the same interests. For Salma, she needs friends her age that she could play with, and that is the least to ask for instead of a loving bond of a large family that she could, otherwise be having. But above all, she needs an Islamic environment so that she can identify herself better and play a positive role in her life later, inshaallah.

Where will we be? At this juncture, only Allah really knows. We have made some changes, and now waiting for the results. We might take up a 1 year posting that his current department is offering, and that will mean, packing our bags in a few weeks time to another location. Never have I seen habibi so bothered about something before. Even raising the topic could make him really tensed. I appreciate habibi so much in times like this, and know that he is about to sacrifice his dream career for the sake of my child. In retrospect, I wish I had a daddy like him. Anyhow, I'm still glad that at least, my flesh and blood, has a daddy like him, Alhamdulillah. Yes, Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for all that you have given us. The good, the bad...and now, we're about to make major decisions in our lives, but it is a decision we WILL make, for You, Inshaallah. We pray that you will help us during this critical period of our lives. We Know that you will not abandon us, and though the journey look hazy from this angle, we are Sure, you will reward us for our patience and sacrifices we will make for You. We have put our responsibilities to You above everything else, and if our rewards are not in this world, then, let us taste your Jannah O-Allah in the hereafter.

Meanwhile, we continue to pray, that You will help us in our journey, to be nearer to You.

Forgive us, for our weaknesses that we continue to battle everyday.