May Bygones be Bygones...

I was very nervous about the meeting. The venue is set, at my sis' Rita's place. The bus arriving from Singapore was late due to bad traffic. It was pouring heavily that day, and we were stranded and waiting for a cab to bring us there. I was getting anxious. I can see that my husband is very tired from the trip and the waiting and so are the kids. I was anticipating his complains, but there was none.

When we got there, my mom was already there. She look different than I recalled. Younger I think. She was accompanied by her 2 children, N & A. The house was filled with chatter, I must admit, the kids helped break the ice. I think I introduced my mom as 'my mother' to Habibi, and N as 'step sister', but later realized she was in fact my 'half sister'. I'm not sure if it was ok to introduce Mom as 'my mother', but I already did. It was awkward sometimes when we got lost for words, but the chinese movie running on the LCD TV on the wall helped as we deliberately use it to conceal the stagnant pauses.

I can tell Rita was a little awkward, she admitted it later, saying how uncomfortable she was before I came. It's hard to catch up when we don't really know where to start. It must have been more than 10 years since I last saw my Mom, and at least 5 years since I last saw Rita. I believed Mom was the most uncomfortable of all, eventhough she had N & A with her. N was really warm and friendly, just as she was more than 10 years ago, bubbly and cheerful. She stayed with us while Mom wanted to go home that night. A, her youngest son went with her. She made us promise to come to Perak, where she now lives, for lunch the next day. I made her promise to cook for me my favourite 'Lemak Cili Api'.

Next day.

Rita asked me if I am game to rent a bigger 7-seater so that we all can go together instead of driving 2 smaller cars. I agreed, it was a very comfortable family car, and we made that trip to Perak in only an hour or so. Soon as we reached, I could smell my mom's cooking, and we immedicately helped ourselves to the feast she prepared for us. Lemak Ketam Cili Api, Assam Pedas Ikan Duri, Pucuk Paku, etc... I must have helped myself to at least 3 plates of rice. Beras kampung really does taste different. My mom, I noticed didn't say much, but I'm counting that my enthusiasm about her cooking made her happy. Right after the feast, we were treated with baskets of local fruits, Rambutan, Manggis...and Durian! She made a lot of effort, I can't help but noticed. I wanted so much to take her picture, but I'm worried that she may turn me down flatly, so I took general pictures, so as not to make it so obvious. She tried to befriend our children, playing with them, feeding them. She even bathed Ibni and I let her. It felt like a whole family, as if we've never been separated all our lives.

Later that evening, I summed up courage to ask N, my half sister, the question that was burning me the whole night before. I really wanted to know if N, and all her siblings, knew about Rita & me. I wonder if they officially knew that we are infact, their elder half sisters. I wanted to know what is allowed to be out in the open and what is supposed to be underwrapped. As much as I like everyone to be honest, I have to respect and be sensitive to my Mom's feelings and situation. But Alhamdulillah, N assured me that it is already known to them. I'm still not sure if they had just assumed it, or was told, but I guess it is not important anymore. What's important is that Mom and her children accepted us. I didn't realise that when I moved into my mom's house 10 years ago, I was opening a pandora's box. My existence then triggered many questions and almost blew her secrets, but I must give credit to her late husband, who was the most understanding and loving to her despite her past baggages.

I hope to be in contact with them frequently and visit whenever I'm in town. Even Rita seems happy about the whole meeting, eventhough she was apprehensive at first. I'm really grateful to Allah who gave me this priceless opportunity to be with my 'family'. We may all lead different lives, but we are still related strongly by blood. It is for this reason that I promise to continue to keep in touch no matter where I am. It was only a 2 days visit, but the memories will be with me forever.

Mom called the next day I arrived in SG. I was pleasantly surprised. Again, I didn't have much to say, but I was bursting with happiness. I think my job is done.

***AL Fatehah to my step father, a celebrated song-writer/photo editor/artist mgr who passed away on June 2008. He was a kind man, a man who would give his all for his beloved wife and children. He passed away soon after building a house for his wife, my Mom. Terimakasih Pakcik, semoga Allah membalas segala jasa baik pakcik, dan semoga roh Pakcik bersama dengan orang2 yang Allah kasihi. Ameen.