Tcheuss Deutschland!

It's only in a matter of days.

Habibi pointed out that yesterday was my last Wednesday in Germany. And today will be my last Thursday, and so on so forth, until my next flight to Singapore for a short interval before we finally meet again in... Riyadh, KSA inshaallah. We are hoping that the separation would be maximum of 2 months, but we have heard cases that stretches up to 6months (visa & protocols issues).

But I'm finally leaving. I can't believe that this is even possible. Actually, even at this point where my whole living room is half-filled with cartons, my luggages almost done, I didn't let myself believe it. The contract is lucrative, (which means more savings inshaallah), the benefits are wonderful, but the thought of being able to perform Umrah as often as we like, is of course, undisputably, the best deal of all.

All praises be upon Allah, who have heard our prayers, who have graciously answered it - with a series of tests and dissapointments notwithstanding, but only for us to check on our own endurance and perseverance, and most importantly, our Faith in Him.

For about 2 years, our lives were in uncertainty. The kids are growing quickly, much too quickly in fact. I worry about Binti's development. I've seen how she's been shuffed to the side by neighbour's kids who are not willing to play with her because she does not understand their language. She is so in need of social contacts and I meet my friends at the rate of once a month. We decided not to put her through the playgroups here as we were unsure how long we are going to be here still. And with already 3 languages between us, I really don't wish to add another one. When Ibni came, everything seems to take up speed. Kakak was more in need of attention that she ever was. My house load obviously increased, and so was my impatience and depression. I couldn't take it much longer. It is damn HARD for someone who never lifted one dirty laundry of hers in all her lifetime (thanks to maids, and laundry services), so I'll not pretend that I'm a great Stepford wife. Juggling between breakfast through dinner, cleaning, feeding, cleaning again...was very close to driving me crazy. The kids, they both need me but I seem to be busy being a cinderella to give sometime to read a book, to play a game or to just be there for them. It wasn't fair for them, or To ME!

Of course Habibi realises this, the sweetheard that he is, but telling him all this will just make him feel worst. He was already trying hard to make our situation better. There were countless interviews, some offers, but the biggest sacrifice is of course, switching his career at this time of his life. He loves his job, he does well too. At the recent meeting with the Delegation officer, he was surprised that Habibi is already way ahead in his career for his age. That was a proud moment for me **gloat gloat**. But though he is good in his profession, he has to leave it in order for us to leave. That means, getting a job in marketing & sales. Of course that was not easy with no prior experience with the company, hence why we were in limbo for a long time.

There was also a very close shave deal with homeland. I was excited, told everybody I knew and then it was as close as it gets, and left us, or me, dumbfounded. I let it go, not so easily, but I knew in my hearts of hearts that I wanted the best for the family. I knew Singapore was a great distraction for me. I was afraid that I'll not juggle my roles well in the familiar settings where I have much too much to do, too many people to meet and convenience at my disposal. And so when the offer didnt materialise, we braced ourselves for the days ahead, and I bear the pain of not being able to be with my family for a longer time.

Habibi stopped telling me about interviews and job offers in order not to get me hyped up or over excited then fall into depression.

And then Riyadh came. At the most unusual time at that. When our kids were in hospital for 10days. Those 10 days were probably the most horrible days for us emotionally, physically draining with the lack of sleep and proper meals. But Allah has planned it such. Habibi called from the office while I was in the hospital with the kids saying 'I have a gigantic great news to tell you' and left me wondering the whole day. With all the things going on for us then, we have no reason to celebrate. We were pleasantly surprised of course, but decided not to believe it, so as to make things easier to let go. It is amazing we'd think that when a great news comes along, we would be jumping with joy and yoddle or call everyone we know. But that day was solemn. We hugged, I teared a little bit and praised and thanked Allah. We were soo humbled by His gift on that day.

It became more real each day, especially when Habibi went over for an orientation. Then the offers materialised. And now I have cartons and bags all over the place. I'm finally saying goodbye to Germany. Thank you Allah. Thank you for hearing our prayers. I maybe close enough to receiving this 'gift', yet I'm still scared. Scared if I may dissapoint myself and did not make good use of this time in Riyadh to do what I'm supposed to do. To keep my promise.

May Allah help me through my journey, a journey to Him. Inshaallah
Ameen, Ya Rabbana Alameen.